Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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