I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
