The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
