It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
