I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
