Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
