The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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