Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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