Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
