What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
