so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
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We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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