The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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