erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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