Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I am available for nakedness
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
