can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
