I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
