Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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