you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
