No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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