I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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