this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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