I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
