i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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