today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm just crazy horny about you
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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