So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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