Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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