Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
