I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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