Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
