Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize