OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
