We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
