I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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