That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
