Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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