i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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