its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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