Rock
Scissors
Fuck
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
