dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
