I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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