dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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