Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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