I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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