Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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