Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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