Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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