I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
