Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
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I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
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He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
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