I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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