Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My hand turned me down
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
