Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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