4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
