Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
