I just saw a hot homeless man
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
