I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
