Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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