He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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