woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
