My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
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I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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